Hey people
Today I would like to talk about something more serious. Break-Ups.
I often refer to episodes of "How I met your mother" and so do I this time. 3 weeks ago there was this episode: "The Autumn of Break-Ups" where the couples broke up and now they're single again. (This has actually not that much to do with my story)
Anyway I recently broke up with me girlfriend (ironically in autumn) and today I'd like to share my thoughts.
I won't explain why we did and stuff 'cause I think this is something that you can't explain to somebody who is not involved.
First of all break-ups are always difficult. This sounds maybe obvious to you but it took me a while to get it. Most people need or invent a reason to break up, or have you heard of somebody saying "Honey is there some spaghetti left, oh by the way I'm going to break up with you". You probably didn't.
Most people have a serious face to face (hopefully) discussion when they end a relationship, often there are tears involved. A break-up is so situation-changing that most can't imagine what to do without the partner. I call this an emotionally loaded environment, this is when one or both try to negotiate, then it's when you hear things like: "I can change", "I can't be without you", "let's give it another try" or "we can do better". For most couples this is the emergency exit of that plane of break-up that is directly going to crash somewhere in.
Now read carefully and contemplate, It took you so much to get into that plane and you have thought a lot about arguments and reasons would you be satisfied when somebody says that he/she is going to change? I mean would all your reasons count nothing with such a sentence? No! I think if it would have worked out if somebody changes than it would have had to be the case before entering the plane.
But there are many who pull the emergency exit and jump out together with a parachute. Then it might work for a time because a change was wanted, but from experience I know that people will change back sooner or later. I call that the temporary adaption. There are couples that can remain together like this for years. In the end it won’t work.
So what you don't want is an emotionally loaded environment, as you won’t be able to think rational. Here a hint: take your time, start the conversation and interrupt it to cool down, and then restart it after some days. You'll see the difference as both parties had time to think about it.
Don't claim on a relationship when you see that it's not going to work. You can call it intuition or whatever but you just know if it works or not.
Last thing, get some distance! After a break-up there are pure emotions everywhere, so the best thing is to keep them away. Go and see friends they won’t let you being alone in such a moment, do more sports or go over your books as you have some more time then. Best thing to do is, to make a list with things that you couldn't do or that you forgot to do when you were in a relationship (yes, there is always something). Do whatever it needs to keep you busy. The worst thing you could do is like to stay home and think constantly of him or her.
Look at the break-up as a possibility and not as an end. After some weeks you have realized that life goes on and you'll feel much better. It's usually the time when you're full of energy as you'll be more active because you don't lay with your gf/bf around all day.
If I believe that you can keep being friends with your ex? Absolutely! After some weeks you're just normal and then it's the best time to make a friendship out of it. Just don't try to hurry during that period of distance, take your time and don't forget that the other person maybe needs some more time than you. I used to be fun friends with my ex and I'm sure we will be again like that. Best example: Ted and Robin!
Guys I think this is one of my most personal posts ever. So please don't make a big deal out of it if we're friends, i'm gonna be fine =)
P.S. I'll never delete a post again!
Cheers
Today I would like to talk about something more serious. Break-Ups.
I often refer to episodes of "How I met your mother" and so do I this time. 3 weeks ago there was this episode: "The Autumn of Break-Ups" where the couples broke up and now they're single again. (This has actually not that much to do with my story)
Anyway I recently broke up with me girlfriend (ironically in autumn) and today I'd like to share my thoughts.
I won't explain why we did and stuff 'cause I think this is something that you can't explain to somebody who is not involved.
First of all break-ups are always difficult. This sounds maybe obvious to you but it took me a while to get it. Most people need or invent a reason to break up, or have you heard of somebody saying "Honey is there some spaghetti left, oh by the way I'm going to break up with you". You probably didn't.
Most people have a serious face to face (hopefully) discussion when they end a relationship, often there are tears involved. A break-up is so situation-changing that most can't imagine what to do without the partner. I call this an emotionally loaded environment, this is when one or both try to negotiate, then it's when you hear things like: "I can change", "I can't be without you", "let's give it another try" or "we can do better". For most couples this is the emergency exit of that plane of break-up that is directly going to crash somewhere in.
Now read carefully and contemplate, It took you so much to get into that plane and you have thought a lot about arguments and reasons would you be satisfied when somebody says that he/she is going to change? I mean would all your reasons count nothing with such a sentence? No! I think if it would have worked out if somebody changes than it would have had to be the case before entering the plane.
But there are many who pull the emergency exit and jump out together with a parachute. Then it might work for a time because a change was wanted, but from experience I know that people will change back sooner or later. I call that the temporary adaption. There are couples that can remain together like this for years. In the end it won’t work.
So what you don't want is an emotionally loaded environment, as you won’t be able to think rational. Here a hint: take your time, start the conversation and interrupt it to cool down, and then restart it after some days. You'll see the difference as both parties had time to think about it.
Don't claim on a relationship when you see that it's not going to work. You can call it intuition or whatever but you just know if it works or not.
Last thing, get some distance! After a break-up there are pure emotions everywhere, so the best thing is to keep them away. Go and see friends they won’t let you being alone in such a moment, do more sports or go over your books as you have some more time then. Best thing to do is, to make a list with things that you couldn't do or that you forgot to do when you were in a relationship (yes, there is always something). Do whatever it needs to keep you busy. The worst thing you could do is like to stay home and think constantly of him or her.
Look at the break-up as a possibility and not as an end. After some weeks you have realized that life goes on and you'll feel much better. It's usually the time when you're full of energy as you'll be more active because you don't lay with your gf/bf around all day.
If I believe that you can keep being friends with your ex? Absolutely! After some weeks you're just normal and then it's the best time to make a friendship out of it. Just don't try to hurry during that period of distance, take your time and don't forget that the other person maybe needs some more time than you. I used to be fun friends with my ex and I'm sure we will be again like that. Best example: Ted and Robin!
Guys I think this is one of my most personal posts ever. So please don't make a big deal out of it if we're friends, i'm gonna be fine =)
P.S. I'll never delete a post again!
Cheers
Keine Kommentare:
Kommentar veröffentlichen