Structure & Exception

So far so good, today it's friday which means I'm gonna graduate next week.

I'm thinking a lot what to say in my speech and yes I have to do one, because everyone expects it from me.

Of course it has to be a funny one, because Urban Survival gained some popularity last days (I guess every class is reading it to show how not to do it).

To be honest, I don't like the graduations speeches.

It's always the same as you can see in the structure I made which is the result of years of research in this subject.

- Thanks (usual for the microphone)

- ... (at this point there is a little break of nervousness)

- Thank you (for the kind words of the teacher)

- I would like to say Thanks to.. (and then they list all the teachers they ever had).. you were awesome.

- I also want to say Thanks to all the staff, the students especially.. (Brazilians, Swiss and Japanese.. the order of nationalities change depending on the person)

- I will miss you guys

- I will miss the (Surf club, Ladies Night  and Brazilian parties.. the order of the parties change depending on the person)

- I'm sure we will see us soon

- Thx!

Imagine hearing this every single Friday from almost all the graduating students..

..

Of course there are some differences but more or less, they're all the same.

But

There was once a speech, which really impressed me.

It was a whole course which ended that day and the students prepared a speech.

At the end there was one guy named Hugo (he's in my class now, great guy!)

I actually can't remember everything but I'll try my best.

"Today is a special day! Not only that we finished the course and all of us passed, but also for me and my wife (I was so surprised to hear that this guy is married, he looked as young as me)..

Baby please come to me..

It was exactly today 4 years ago that you said yes to marry me and I just want to say that I still love you more than anything else and I'm so happy to have you on my side..

I love you!"

and then they kissed!

Even I as a tough guy say that this is so cute!

This guy is awesome, you need to have the courage to say something like this in front of the whole school. He is my hero!

I could never say something like this but he is a great example how you should do it!

I'll think a lot about what to say and I'm looking forward to let you guys know what I said.

Cheers

The 5 Tibetan Monks and the coffee shop

Have you ever had a deja-vu? 

I'm sure you have seen something, what you think you have seen before.

A deja-vu means "already-seen" in french.

But how do we call it when you see something, what you never would expect?

let's call it a jamais-vu which means "never-seen".

Here is a variation of jamais-vu's: 

- a mascot of a team of the other side of the country strolling around in your town.

- a persian girl riding on a tiger through the streets.

- a japanese in a spacesuit eating pancakes

- loads of girls in golden shining bikinis and cowboy hats advertising against breast cancer

I know these are weird examples, except the last one, this you can see everyday in Surfers.

Let me tell you my jamais-vu.

I was on my way to school no I'm not an example of a student I just went to borrow some DVD of the schools library. Anyway as usual I passed "Pancakes in Paradise" where they sell all you can eat pancakes for $9.95 and I still haven't been.

Just after that there is a coffee shop. Not one of these franchise of Starbucks or Gloria Jean's it's just a fine coffee shop where they sell next to coffee, fine home made food. Ironically they have a sign over the register  on which it's written "Proud retailer of Gloria Jean's Coffee"

I've just been once there after I've seen the prices I've never been there anymore..

So as I passed this shop I took a glimpse in the window to check my new hair cut and there they were..

5 Tibetan Monks sitting on the table, laughing and watching a phone while one of them is showing the others something on it.

Please just imagine this picture. I mean you all probably know how a monk from Tibet looks like. A shaved head, brown tan (obviously 'cause they live in the country with the highest altitude), wearing glasses and red copes.

This is so random!

I found myself staring on them in front of the door.

I never met a Tibetan Monk before.. what the hell were they doing here?

This picture was so surprising for me, because one day before we talked about the Dalai Lama in class and that you can feel his presence from a distance of 3 kilometers. 

I felt so.. different, I don't know how to explain!

maybe one of them was the Dalai Lama on his way to enlighten the daunt Australians.

How ever, I felt to write this down and to inform you that I'm planing a spiritual trip this year or next.

seriously!

If you want to join me, just let me know.

We will see (of course):

Tibet, Nepal, the Himalaya, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, India, China, North and South Korea (first north then south, just to provoke them), Japan and Transylvania (Oh come on, like, you're not curious to see if the guy from Twilight really exists)

I think it's a very good way to find out about yourself. So please send applications to my mail box containing your CV with references, a motivation letter and a list of all your skills that could be useful on the trip.

OR

If you have the pleasure to have the other sex, just send a picture of you as usual (by the way thx Anna for the picture in the rashie, you'll definitely get a surfers license).

Cheers

Havaianas

Time passes very fast at Gold Coast
I remember like it was yesterday arriving at Brisbane airport. Despite notorious rain, it was very warm for a boy from a cold country wearing a t-shirt, a sweatshirt a sweater, a coat, jeans, shoes and SOCKS! Just being a snobby Swiss.


Now, after 2 months, I feel like home. I'm so used to it wearing slippers. Go out topless and just lie on the beach, not like tourist do lie with a half a bottle of sun blocker on their skin, expensive sunglasses, wide towels and eskies with plenty of food.
No, just lying in the sand with nothing else than your book.


This is lifestyle has even his own expression, it's called the Havaianas style.
The word havaianas is actually a Brazilian brand which distributes slippers all over the world. Everybody in Australia has havaianas, except me indeed. I have billabongs.


What would a Havaianas style be without a luau?
That's why we did one last monday. A luau is just people meeting on the beach, having fun together, joking around and singing "to the sound of a guitar yeah yeah.." .. sorry that reminds me always on Maria Maria.

People from all over the world singing together

I will really miss this kind of lifestyle I'll try my best to keep it and spread it in europe.. which would probably be kind of difficult..


anyway I'm not trying to be sensitive or something like this.. okay I am, but do not tell anybody..!


..Okay this is getting kind of Broke-Back-Mountain-like so what I basically want to say is, I'll miss those luaus..


..thank you for your attention..


Oh, and I hate sheep.. (yes, it's not "sheeps") 
..they're so fluffy


-.-


Cheers

To whom it may concern

I know I always refer to movies and so do I this time.

You're probably familiar with the first Spiderman movie. There is a very important quotes from uncle Ben to Peter Parker: "With great power. comes great responsibility" (by the way one of my favorites)

Here is another one from me to you:

"The more famous you become, the more jealous people get"

I'm not saying that I became famous but surprisingly after I was in Oprah's show, I received all these hater mails from all over the world (especially Swissyland and Australia).

Look people I just say this, If you don't like my blog, there is a little cross on the top right side, don't know if you have ever noticed it but it's very useful and of course If you work with a Mac it's on the left top side AND it's a cross as well.

I don't really care what you guys think about my blog and to be honest I just get more clicks because of you which makes my blog even more famous, so.. thanks =)

If you don't believe the story, I don't give a ... you know what I mean, nobody  says you have to believe it.

But the best mails were those trying to explain my grammar mistakes..

Hello? Do I look like I spent hours on my postings? I just write what I think in the easiest way I can imagine (I'm a minimalist). 

By one mail I felt really offended..

A Swiss girl here in Australia.. fuck off, you remember my posting about leaving Switzerland?

There I told you about "Andrea" who I met in the plane.. it was her.. and to be honest her name is Sabrina. Just to clarify who we are talking about.

She almost boasted through the internet line that she became so good in english and really tried to show me my mistakes which I always make in indirect speeches.. Girl if you have enough time to look over my mistakes you better should take up another hobby or just.. you know.. do it silently.

But she reached the peak by asking me if I already learned something while my staying in Australia. 

From this point on I laughed until my laptops battery was low.

But it's kind of sweet how she's concerned about my progress in english. 

I'd just like to remind you young lady when we met, you weren't able to link 2 words with each other without failing.

Maybe she's just unforgiving, for what reason ever.. =)

I really don't want to talk bad about here.. just go and have a look in here Blog if you want to find out more about her.. unfortunately I can't pass on her link because of the fact that she blocked me on facebook.

Anyway to show that I take her message seriously I asked Rob to have a look on my writing.

And for all the other haters and know-it-alls out there, thanks for making me important for your life =)

Hope to hear from you soon (I really do, I'll collect them and one day I'm gonna post them).

Cheers

2nd Script

speechless |ˈspē ch lis|
adjective
unable to speak, esp. as the temporary result of shock or some strong emotion : he was speechless with rage.
(Referring to the previous posting: Opera & Oprah)
Dear jealousTo prevent speechlessness in TV drink a shot of virgin olive oil before getting on the stage.I did it and this is so weird. Actually it was a joke which I took to serious fortunately nobody had seen how I was trying to swallow the rest of it which I couldn't take off my throat. Although the whole crew laughed on me, it worked.
I can say this it was amazing. When I landed in Sydney airport a driver was waiting for me, he was carrying this movie-like sign with my name and "Urban Survival" as the name of the organization, that was probably the best part over there.His name was Marc, so he took me to the hotel in his roofless Jeep, I didn't bring my sunglasses but he seemed prepared and gave me one.So I checked inn in the Watermark Hotel a boy carried my luggage upstairs. The room was pretty cool, there was a fruits basket laying on the table with a message:
Dear ArdiI hope you had a good flight and you'll enjoy your stay. Please meet me at 3.00 pm in the lobby for a short briefing and the schedule.yours faithfully 
Rebecca GallagherAssistant Director
I took a glimpse on my watch.. f**k.. quarter past. So I went downstairs, without having a shower or changing. There she was. Becca was pretty cool but so busy she had this little bluetooth headset in her ear (and I've never seen her without) and a palm in her hands.she gave me a lot of paper about my schedule full of, briefings (there were even briefings for briefings, hello?), make-up appointments (like make up could cover this!) meetings with different people, meals etc. they thought about everything except the fact that I need to go to the restroom from time to time..
So I went upstairs to have a shower and stuff then I thought lets have a look in my blog..that was the point I became speechless. 463 visits in the last 4 hours. Thats new record! I contemplated about that, I mean when this whole circus is going to be shown my number of visitors will increase dramatically. Am I ready for this? What If disappoint people? I thought f**k off, Oprah laughed because of me why not the rest of the world!
Then I had these meetings where they asked me thousand of questions about my life like: - Did you feel lonely when you started the blog? Noo!- Are you sure?..noo =(- Is you blog a late effect of the divorce of your parents trying to reach attention?wtf?- Have you ever been attracted by men while your service in army?hahahahahah.. where do you know that from?
And stuff like this. In the end they knew more about me than I do.Than they explained me everything about the process and I met Joe the director of the show.Joe was the coolest guy ever and my biggest fan although he told I got so many mistakes.. so what? I'm not a native, they even asked me If I want to have it orthographically corrected.. I refused it for the reason, that nobody than me touches my blog!some hours before the show I noticed that everyone had a printed version of my blog and they called it "the second script". Becca's script had thousand of post-its in it with notes about the questions I had to answer before. Then I met her.. (wait we need a new passage for that..)
Then I met her.. Oprah Winfrey!She came over to me with a big smile in her face and just said: "You most be the awesomeness Ardi!" Omg so embarrassing of course she read my blog and knows about my arrogance.. But now it was tim to act smooth!I replied: "yes!" in such a cool way that it's hard to explain.We talked a little about her favorite postings. She liked "Revolution" the most!And then we talked about my 3rd posting "Against iPhone" Omg she said, she doesn't like iJustine neither. She said she's annoying and just talks about stuff nobody cares or nobody should care! I love Oprah! She took my nervousness from me.
The show, as I already said, I took this shot of olive oil.. ha ha ha so funny Tim.. (idiot!)The studio was full but I couldn't see anybody because of all the lights showing on the stage, I just hear people applauding.She asked me about Urban Survival, how difficult it must be to write in another language, about me, army (but she didn't mention the stuff about the attraction), future plans, How much I miss home, what do I like and what not in Australia, etc.They showed different passages of my blog on a wide screen in combination with Oprah's comments, that was funny, I laughed because of my own jokes.Was very funny, In the beginning I was really concerned about If my english is good enough to withstand Oprah's questions, but she spoke very clear and slow.
Was amazing, I can't wait to see it on TV, they gave me a tape of the whole show and said they're gonna inform me by mail when the show is going to be released for TV.
In the evening I had dinner with Oprah, Joe, William (owner of the channel) and Jennifer (Williams daughter).Was a very nice evening. Oprah knows so many stories to talk about, she told us about her favorites. She said that todays show was pretty funny 'cause normally the shows get very emotional or sensitive.
Now I'm back in Surfers Paradise. This weekend was amazing I'll never forget that, Thanks Oprah and the whole channel 9 team for this unbelievable experience!
Cheers

Opera & Oprah

These days I discovered, that my blog is even more famous than I thought.

I mean of course people love to read my crap but that there are so many bored people out there I've hadn't ever expected. My statistics are increasing week by week,  people I don't know read my blog, I go to school and see my logo on some computers. like in the following picture.

1 of thousands reading Urban Survival

But the day I found out that I'm really famous was 2 days ago.

Have a seat.

That was the Day I received a letter from none other than, cling, Oprah!

I know it's hard to believe.. well.. actually it's not it's about time that she text me because of my awesomeness. 

What could Oprah want from me? Good question but the answer is better.

She wants to interview me!

Oprah wrote that she's at the moment in Australia for some sessions and she would like to interview some australian personalities. Surfing through internet she found randomly my blog and started to read, as she almost died of laughing and of course awesomeness she decided to take me instead of Hugh Jackman. Sorry mate.

She said she wants me to have in her studio this weekend of course a jet will pick me up in gold coast airport. What an honor and to be honest I'm a little nervous.. who wouldn't?

She said she'll ask me just stuff about my childhood, experience, and plans about writing a biography.

In Oprah's shows it's very common to start crying. I don't plan to but now I think what if Oprah makes my cry? Would I lose awesomeness or maybe even gain?

So tomorrow in the morning I'll fly to Sydney, the show is in the evening and I'll be back on Sunday.

Now don't think I'll become arrogant because of this, I'm still the same guy and I'll continue writing. Maybe the show will not even been broadcasted..

Anyway If you like to put advertise on my blog or if you are interested in a marketing campaign with me please see my agent (Henry Potter, Griffin & Door Consultancy) to set up the contract but consider that I wont be cheap after the show.

So see you.. I mean see me on TV ;)

Cheers

Fishy-Nonsense

I would like to be a fish..

Not this type of stupid fish that just swims around and got trapped in a net.

I wouldn't like to be a shark because he just doesn't look funny.

Nor this kind of boring fish that lies on the ground of the sea and hangs around (by the way just like my cousin does now in Canada).

I want to be a whale!

Otherwise that's not a good idea because when I swim around Japan they'll catch and make soup out of me.

I would rather be a lagoon fish who gets lost from time to time to the wide touristic beaches and observe how a boy and a girl are swimming at midnight in the sea just in underwear and kissing otherwise how could a fish imagine a kiss in the air, that would be unusual and he will think all People are like this and he will swim away and get bit by a shark.

What's cool to be is a starfish.

You know just hanging around, enjoying the beautiful view of the corals and.. that's it, I don't think he does more than this..

Actually I'm really concerned about all those little fishes out there.

I mean, does anybody of you know what's happening with the world?!

I like to eat fish especially tuna but when I think that there will maybe no more tuna in the world.. what will we do? Eat anchovies? Hell no!

That's why I'm thinking of founding the STRO the Save the Tuna Reserve Organization!

I accept every donate straight to my deposit account. the IBAN is: 491-756-4889-0071-32

The tuna will thank you!

I don't want to be a fish..

Cheers